This week let’s spend some time discussing some differences in personality styles. Human being is a mixture of all kinds of physical and psychological traits. I think there are barely pure introverts or extroverts, and there must be a wide spectrum where introversion and extroversion are at two ends, with all of us in between. But I would also like to know what ideas YOYOs might have and hope this Saturday I will hear something new or interesting from your discussion!
Please read the following two articles before you join the discussion:
Quiet Is Not a Four-Letter Word
"It's OK to be sensitive, and yes, quiet..."
Published on August 28, 2011 by Barbara Markway, Ph.D. in Shyness Is Nice
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collecti ... etter-word
I still remember one horrible day in high school when a math teacher called attention to my quietness. He told the whole class that I was the quietest student he'd ever had in his 22 years of teaching. Of course, everyone turned around to look at me, as if I was some kind of freak. I was humiliated and felt deep shame. I truly believed there was something wrong with me. It didn't even cross my mind that there was something wrong with a teacher who would make such a statement. Unfortunately, an accumulation of such experiences led me to hate myself for being so reserved. I've since stopped hating myself, but I have to admit, I still cringe when I hear myself described as quiet. I've even dubbed it the "Q word," as if it's some sort of four-letter expletive.
So what's so bad about being quiet? Why is it so difficult to accept, even embrace it as a source of strength? I believe a big reason is that it doesn't match the cultural ideal. For example, how many times have you seen a television show or a movie where the main character was reserved, cautious and thoughtful, and where this was seen as positive? Most often, the media portrays popular characters as outgoing. Quiet characters, when they are seen, often assume the role of a victim.
In Elaine Aron's book, The Highly Sensitive Person, she describes some extremely important research dealing with this issue of culture. The study, conducted by Xinyin Chen and Kenneth Rubin of the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, and Yuerong Sun of Shanghai Teachers University, compared children in both cities to determine what traits made children popular. Among the group of 480 students in Shanghai, "shy" and "sensitive" children were the most sought-after as friends. In contrast, among the 296 Canadian children, shy and sensitive children were the least desirable. This study shows that whether you're accepted by others can have little to do with you personally and much to do with the prevailing cultural norms.
I can't wait for Susan Cain's book to come out, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking. Her book promises to look at "specific physiological and psychological advantages to being an introvert." I'm kind of obsessed with her blog right now. She offers so many positive examples of being quiet and reserved, and there's some great discussion going on at her site. Finding her work came at just right time, as I'm on a renewed quest to accept my quiet side.
It's in that spirit of acceptance that I wrote this list today.
Some Really Great Things about Being Quiet:
• Being quiet often means you're a good listener. People may start seeking you out because they know you'll be there for them to really listen, and not just talk about how something similar happened to you.
• It can actually be easier to get to know other people if you're quiet. I frequently ask others a lot of questions about themselves, and learn a lot in the process. I frequently know details about people that others may not know.
• When I do talk, I find that others listen to me more because I'm not always chattering. They figure if I'm talking, it must be significant.
• I can hear myself think. And sometimes I have some important ideas and insights! (other times, not so much...)
• I'm in touch with my feelings (I know that sounds hokey). But if you're always talking, how do you ever know what you're feeling? Feelings are an important source of information that if ignored, can get you in a lot of trouble.
• I get a lot of work done because I'm not typically engaged in a lot of idle conversation.
I'm sure there are lots of other great things about being quiet. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Still, there are times when I'm having a bad day, and I wish I were more naturally outgoing. At those times, it helps to remind myself of the study comparing children in China and Canada. I tell myself that it's OK to be sensitive and yes, quiet. After all, if I lived in China, I'd be very popular!
Introversion vs. Shyness: The Discussion Continues
Teasing apart the difference between shyness and introversion.
Published on October 10, 2009 by Sophia Dembling in The Introvert's Corner
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collecti ... -continues
Are introversion and shyness the same thing? When I interviewed Wellesley College psychologist Jonathan Cheek, he said it depends on who you ask. So I next asked Louis A. Schmidt, director of the Child Emotion Laboratory at McMaster University, who studies the biological underpinnings of personality, especially shyness.
"Though in popular media they're often viewed as the same, we know in the scientific community that, conceptually or empirically, they're unrelated," Schmidt says.
The two get confused because they both are related to socializing-but lack of interest in socializing is very clearly not the same as fearing it. Schmidt and Arnold H. Buss of the University of Texas wrote a chapter titled "Understanding Shyness" for the upcoming book The Development of Shyness and Social Withdrawal. There they write, "Sociability refers to the motive, strong or weak, of wanting to be with others, whereas shyness refers to behavior when with others, inhibited or uninhibited, as well as feelings of tension and discomfort." This differentiation between motivation and behavior is consistent with the ability many of us have to behave like extroverts when we choose, whereas shy people cannot turn their shyness off and on.
In addition, when Cheek and Buss administered a questionnaire measuring shyness vs. low sociability to 947 college students, they found a very low correlation between shyness and low sociability--just because you're shy doesn't mean you don't want to be around people, and vice versa. (Subsequent measures, with additional items on the shyness scale, showed higher correlations, but the two were still very clearly different.)
In teasing apart various aspects of sociability and shyness, Schmidt and Buss describe introverts as "low on social approach and low on social avoidance." So although we don't pursue interaction, we're not afraid of it, either. Like we've been saying.
And, says Schmidt, "When we look at the interaction between shyness and introversion and treat those as two unrelated dimensions, it's as though each independent measure is adding unique variants to behavior." So someone who is introverted and shy will behave differently from someone who is introverted and not shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and not shy. These distinctions help explain the range of behaviors and emotions people describe in the comments on this blog-some people sound bold, some timid, some are comfortable with their attitudes towards socializing, some long to be different.
Schmidt studies children from birth to age 12 and says that there are biological components to both shyness and levels of sociability, although shy children don't always stay shy. "There is a degree of malleability, although there are limits to it," he says. "We find that more shy children tend to grow out of their shyness than sociable children tending to become shy." He says introversion has not been studied in detail yet but says, "If I were to speculate, I think you'd see less change in introvert personality style."
So, I am convinced. My introversion is not shyness, although I do sometimes feel shy. (I'm not sure yet under what circumstances I become bashful-more to think about.) And I speculate that people who claim to have conquered introversion may instead have conquered shyness without actually becoming extroverts--if they were, in fact, introverts to begin with. Maybe they were just shy.
Questions for Discussion
Session I
1. Are introversion and shyness the same thing? Can you tell the deference among people who are introverted and shy, introverted and not shy, extroverted and shy, and extroverted and not shy?
2. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? Do you think you are shy or outgoing? What makes you think so?
3. Have you ever felt socially anxious? Under what circumstances will you become bashful?
Session II
4. Do you think we have a culture to assimilate to the society, to engage with people, to speak up or share ideas? Among introverted, extroverted, shy, and outgoing traits, which do you think is better-liked in our society? What are the advantage / disadvantage of them at school, at work and other social situations?
5. Further to question 4, what kind of people do you like to make friends with, to work with, and to date with? Will you try to make friends with shy people? Further, would you try to keep contact with misanthrope?
6. Are shyness and levels of sociability biologically based? Do you think they are changeable?
********************************************************************************************************************************************
Agenda:
3:45 ~ 4:00pm Greetings & Free Talk / Ordering Beverage or Meal / Getting Newcomer’s Information
4:00 ~ 4:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
4:10 ~ 4:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
4:50 ~ 5:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
5:10 ~ 5:15pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
5:15 ~ 5:55pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
6:00 ~ 6:20pm Summarization (20 mins)
6:20 ~ 6:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements ********************************************************************************************************************************************
聚會日期：列於該貼文主題內
聚會時間：請準時 4:00 pm 到 ~ 約 6:30 pm 左右結束
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注意事項：
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給新朋友的話：
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