12/3(Tue) The Art of Saying No (Host: Alice Chou)

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12/3(Tue) The Art of Saying No (Host: Alice Chou)

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Easily Pick Up the Art of Saying No

September 19 by Krissy Brady in Communication | 70 Shares



I used to suck at saying no, but trust me: when you say yes too often and your life no longer feels like your own, you learn really fast!

For me, it wasn’t so much a fear of disappointing people that fueled my “Sure, why not?” attitude–it was my nonexistent sense of individuality. Saying yes was my way of figuring out what I did and didn’t want, like and don’t like. But when it came time to set boundaries, what felt like a gradual shift to me was sudden and shocking to everyone else.

Here’s why saying no is important:

· If you say yes too much, the quality of every aspect of your life will suffer.

· You’ll become scattered, stressed, and unable to focus on what’s truly important to you.

· People will start to consider you enthusiastic, but unreliable.

· Feelings of overwhelm, inadequacy, guilt and frustration will consume you.

· Follow-through? What’s that? You’ll completely lose faith in your ability to reach your goals.

Regardless of why you always say yes, the most important thing you can do is equip yourself with ways to say no that won’t hurt or offend anyone. This is especially crucial in the beginning, since no one will be used to you saying no. Eventually, as you establish your boundaries, it will get easier on both sides.

Ease Into Saying No

When I first started saying no, it wasn’t pretty. At first it was more of a “Nnnyes.” When I was finally able to get the entire word out, I wasn’t prepared for the second half of the equation: the part where I’d spend so much time justifying my “no,” I’d be too exhausted to accomplish what I wanted to with that time.

If you really suck at saying no, the best thing you can do in the moment is say, “Let me get back to you.” This will give you the opportunity to make an informed decision and practice a concise, firm “no” beforehand.

When it comes to the actual act of saying no, here are my favorite strategies to help you get a grip on your life again:

Saying No at Work

With the level of job insecurity flying around these days, it’s completely understandable to feel as if saying no at work will negatively impact your career. As it turns out, the opposite is true! By focusing on quality over quantity on the job, it shows you care about not only the outcome of the projects others are trying to add to your plate, but also about the overall reputation of your company.

Start off by showing you understand the importance of what they want you to do, or appreciation for being thought of:

· “I’d love to help you out, but…”

· “It sounds like a fantastic project, however…”

Then let them know why you’re saying no:

· “I already have several time-sensitive projects on the go…”

· “It’s not my area of expertise…”

End with offering them a back-up plan:

· “I could put you in touch with…”

· “Debbie in PR is well-connected to the companies

· you’d like to partner with. Here’s her cell.”

There will be times when you really do want to work with the person in the future, so let them know you hope to be free for their next project (don’t say you definitely will–you don’t want to make a promise you can’t keep).

Saying No at Home

Saying no to friends and family is especially tricky; you don’t want to hurt their feelings or disappoint them, but at the same time it’s important to voice your wants and needs and do things that are important to you too.

There are those friends and family members who are consistent when it comes to returning the favor, so you can easily say to them, “Sorry, I already have plans,” or, “Work wiped me, I really need to recharge,” and ask for a rain check. They’ll understand and appreciate the give-and-take of your relationship as much as you do.

Then there are those who are dramatic and needy by nature. It’s pretty much guaranteed that they won’t accept an answer like the above–they’ll want to make new plans right on the spot or try to talk you into doing what they want anyway. Remain firm with your answer, and don’t feel the need to continue justifying your reasons. Trust me, they’ll try to counteract everything you say just to get their way. They’ll get the picture eventually. If they don’t, respectfully say, “This is who I am. Take it or leave it.” If they “leave it,” it’s their loss.

The hardest part of saying no? The unavoidable guilt as your family member or friend gives you the “humane society” face–the big eyes, the chin quiver, the crack in their voice that makes you feel like the biggest tool on Earth. But here’s the thing: you’ve said no respectfully, and for good reason. It’s your time to do exactly what you want with, so why settle for anything less?

The only thing worse than someone being disappointed in you is being disappointed in yourself

*********************************************************************
Session 1:

1. do you agreed saying yes all the time can create a tons of stress? Why?

2. Are you the person who saying yes or no more often? According to the above article, never saying no makes you seem unreliable, on the other hand, some social experts believe in opening mind and saying yes, which can make you more popular, what do you stand for?

3.How to avoid conflict when we refuse requests from other people? Saying yes is easier or saying no?

*********************************************************************
Session 2

4. When would you saying no without any concern? How to maintain good relationship after refusing request?

5. How do you feel when people turn you down? Would you say no to them next time no matter what?

6. Saying no to family is easier than to friends? are you the person who support your family unconditionally?
What is the most awkward request have you ever encountered?

*********************************************************************
Agenda:
7:00 ~ 7:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
7:10 ~ 7:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
7:50 ~ 8:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
8:10 ~ 8:25pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
8:25 ~ 9:05pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
9:05 ~ 9:25pm Summarization (20 mins)
9:25 ~ 9:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements
********************************************************************************************************************************************
聚會日期:列於該貼文主題內
聚會時間:當天請準時於 7:00pm 到達 ~ 約 9:30 pm 左右結束
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地址、電話:台北市濟南路三段25號 地圖 (02) 2740-2350
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走法:出忠孝新生站 3 號出口後,沿著巷子(忠孝東路三段10巷)走約 2 分鐘,到了濟南路口,左轉走約 2 分鐘即可看到。
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