12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Chen)

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liwen
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註冊時間: 週日 10月 04, 2009 10:20 am

12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Chen)

文章 liwen »

12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Chen)

High-school reunion anxiety: Facing the old you
http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-new ... e-old-you/

Reunion regression: Connecting again with your old classmates may be easier than confronting who you used to be.

On the surface, high school reunions are a chance to reminisce, reconnect and discover who has been posting deceptively flattering photos on Facebook. But the collision of past and present is also a time of self-reflection, measuring who you are against what you wished for yourself and what you think your peers expected of you.

For some, reunions offer vindication. For others, they’re a dreaded reckoning. For many they really are just a chance to catch up. But what most everyone has in common is some level of anxiety, as the insecurities of the past get thrust into the present.

Even the most confident adults can regress in the face of reunions, said Mary Lamia, a clinical psychologist based in Marin County, Calif. Emotional memories are very strong, she said, so when people are thrown back into a high school context they trigger the self-conscious emotions most common in adolescence: embarrassment, shame, guilt and pride.

When people avoid reunions because they’re disappointed in their lives, “it’s like staying home from school because you don’t want people to see your pimple,” Lamia said.

But such fears are based on the expectation that others will judge you as harshly as you judge yourself, which usually they don’t, Lamia said. Those who do judge and gossip are the ones who have their own shame, she said.

Lamia said people anxious about attending their reunion should make it a point to go. Chances are, their concerns won’t be validated.

Going to a reunion tends to be a reassuring experience: People are generally surprised at how well they are remembered and how well they remember their classmates, said Glenn Reeder, professor of social psychology at Illinois State University in Normal, Ill., who co-authored a 1986 survey of people invited back to their high school reunion, one of very few to study the topic.

The study found that by far the most important factor in the decision to attend a reunion was the memory people had of high school. Those who recalled having a great time, and the more popular kids, were more eager to go back. The less popular kids were less likely to attend, sometimes worrying that no one would remember them.

The pressure to live up to others’ expectations tends to subside as the decades progress.

Reeder’s study found that while younger age groups focused on what changes they saw in their classmates (who got fatter, who got richer), older returnees focused on continuities — the hair may be grayer, but the sense of humor remains the same.

AS THE YEARS ROLL BY …
Every reunion has a distinct personality, said Cyndi Clamp, president of the National Association of Reunion Managers, a trade group for professional reunion organizers. She describes how things change over the decades.

10th This is the least well-attended and the most pretentious, with many people focused on how they look, what kind of car they drive and what their date looks like. Because most people are in the same general place in life, many are measuring themselves against their classmates.

20th With more perspective and life experiences under their belts, classmates care much less about superficial success and are more earnestly curious about how people are doing in their families and careers. The 20-year is the most well-attended and a time when people’s paths start to diversify.

30th The 30th gets more interesting because people’s lives are all over the board with divorces, career changes and kids of all ages. Classmates show greater confidence and fewer spouses and guests come along because people don’t feel that they need someone by their side.

40th As retirement nears, people’s lives start to resemble each other’s once again. There’s less drinking and more talking, with conversations focusing on “remember when.” People find value in being around others they knew when they were younger because it makes them feel younger.

50th The golden reunion is the second-most well-attended. There’s a sense that this could be the last time you see these people. Plus, people go because they are able to attend. Like the 40th, nostalgia is strong.

Beyond 50th … These are much smaller reunions, and those who do attend are just really glad to be able to be there.


Questions for Discussion:

Session I

Q1. Have you changed a lot since you graduated from high school? What are the differences between the old you and the present you?

Q2. What were some of your aspirations when you were in school? Are those aspirations fulfilled?

Q3. “The more popular kids were more eager to go back. The less popular kids were less likely to attend the reunions,” this article mentions. Do you agree?

Session II

Q4. What’s the main reason that drives or discourages you to attend your school reunions?

Q5. Do you think the high-grade kids have more opportunities to achieve successful careers later on?

Q6. Do you think the social networking sites like FB and Line can replace the real reunions? Why bother when you already know what everyone’s up to, and can easily connect with the people you wish to see?

********************************************************************************************************************************************
Agenda:
6:45 ~ 7:00pm Greetings & Free Talk / Ordering Beverage or Meal / Getting Newcomer’s Information
7:00 ~ 7:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
7:10 ~ 7:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
7:50 ~ 8:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
8:10 ~ 8:25pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
8:25 ~ 9:05pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
9:05 ~ 9:25pm Summarization (20 mins)
9:25 ~ 9:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements ********************************************************************************************************************************************
聚會日期:列於該貼文主題內
聚會時間:當天請準時於 6:45 pm 到達 ~ 約 9:30 pm 左右結束
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捷運站:板南線 忠孝新生站 3 號出口
走法:出忠孝新生站 3 號出口後,沿著巷子(忠孝東路三段10巷)走約 2 分鐘,到了濟南路口,左轉走約 2 分鐘即可看到。
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Tina Sun
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Kooper
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註冊時間: 週三 4月 11, 2007 11:40 pm

Re: 12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Ch

文章 Kooper »

I found an interesting expression, "like pulling teeth," from the article. Liwen cut the last paragraph about whether Facebook kills high-school reunion, so you'll have to go to the website to check out the expression.

According to Cambridge Dictionary (http://dictionary.cambridge.org/diction ... ling-teeth),if you say that making someone do something was like ​pulling ​teeth, you ​mean it was very ​difficult and they did not ​want to do it.

Here is an example found through Google News:

Many students find studying to be stressful, boring, and time consuming. The truth is, studying doesn’t have to be that way. Studying is never going to be as fun as heading out to a party or staying in and netflix-ing the night away, but it also doesn’t have to be like pulling teeth. We’ve compiled a list of tips, tricks, and techniques to help make your study sessions more fun. (http://www.learnu.org/how-to-make-study ... z3uCPiAqen)

Years ago when I spoke for my table for the first time at YoYo, it was like pulling teeth, with my tongue tied and voice shaking. Now delivering an impromptu speech is a walk in the park. (You know. I am just practicing the expression. :wink: )
Kooper
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註冊時間: 週三 4月 11, 2007 11:40 pm

Re: 12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Ch

文章 Kooper »

Q6. Do you think the social networking sites like FB and Line can replace the real reunions? Why bother when you already know what everyone’s up to, and can easily connect with the people you wish to see?

It would be interesting to hear answers from younger generations who have grown up with Facebook being a part and parcel in their adolescence. To be honest, it’s very hard, if not impossible, for me to imagine how these generations would view school reunion. To people of my age, the answer is no surprise; FB help us rebuild connections with lost friends; it definitely help the arrangement of school reunion.
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liwen
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註冊時間: 週日 10月 04, 2009 10:20 am

Re: 12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Ch

文章 liwen »

Dear Yoyos,

Kooper mentions the last paragraph I cut from the original article about "like pulling teeth," .I like to show the key sendence"Rachel Riebow suspects the social networking site is one reason it has been like pulling teeth to get her old classmates to attend their 10-year reunion at Armwood High School in Seffner, Fla."

Thank you Kooper. You find a useful idiom which I don't notice from this article. Good job. :D
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liwen
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文章: 57
註冊時間: 週日 10月 04, 2009 10:20 am

Re: 12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Ch

文章 liwen »

Thank you for attending the meeting. We had very interesting discussions and laughed a lot during the meeting.

Steve, Wen-han and Claire showed us their photos of young. Personally, I think Steve looks like one popular member of 小虎隊‧ Wen-han and Claire look like the main actor and actress in 瓊瑤 movies. :lol:

Participants 16: Liwen, Yvonne, Iris Wu, Amy Chen, Kooper, Rock, Steve, Balaban, Shirley Hsu, Jason, Linda, Wen-han, Ophilia, Ryan, Julian, Claire

Speaker:
- Session I: Amy, Ryan, Shirley, Linda
- Session II: Wen-han, Iris, Julian, Kooper
Iris Wu
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文章: 894
註冊時間: 週二 5月 20, 2014 4:33 pm

Re: 12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Ch

文章 Iris Wu »

Actually we had one more guest, Dan Balaban, in the meeting and when “Dan met Rock” in the group discussion, you just could not stop laughing at their conversation.
Rock said he has changed a lot since he was in high school. He was much more “difficult” (to deal with), but after he got married he has become very “submissive” or a “philosopher”!
(Socrates said “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.”)

Notes: No verification has been made for Rock's claim! :)
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Rock
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註冊時間: 週三 10月 31, 2007 9:03 am

Re: 12/15(Tue) High-school reunion anxiety (Host: Liwen Ch

文章 Rock »

Yeah, I enjoyed the discussion. You guys are just great! Dan is truly a nice guy. He really listens and gives us sophisticated opinions. Good for us to have him. 8)
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