4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morris)

回覆文章
morris25
YOYO member
文章: 65
註冊時間: 週一 5月 07, 2012 8:35 am

4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morris)

文章 morris25 »

Session I: Why we love to blame our partners?

Please watch this video which explains why we we love to blame our partners and come to share your experience and opinions in English.
https://tw.voicetube.com/videos/35302

Questions:
1. Are you easy to blame the person whom you usually trust, talk to, or go to for help first? Why or why not?

2. Do you agree with the video’s point: we can't get angry with the people who are really to blame for hurting us, so we get angry with those whom we can be sure will tolerate us for blaming them? If so, do you think it’s fair?

3. If the one you love loves you but also hurts you very much, can you accept this kind of relationship? Have you had any such kind of experience?

4. Do you love to blame your partners or the ones you love? Do you agree that it is a flattering gift of love, as the video said.
*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
Session II: How to Argue Without Hurting Your Partner – A Therapist’s Tips

According to the video in Session I, we are inclined to argue with and hurt our partners. Please read the following article for four tips about arguing whihout hurting them.
http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipsti ... pist-tips/

The four tips are as follows:
1. Notice when you feel defensive in an argument.
2. Say something vulnerable to your spouse during an argument
3. Reflect and validate your partner’s feelings while you’re arguing
4. Plan for the next argument

Questions:
1. What are usually the reasons that you have arguments with your lovers, good friends, and parents? Can you reflect and validate your partner’s feelings while you’re arguing?

2. What has been your biggest fight with your love in your life? Did you feel regretful? How did you conciliate your relationship after that?

3. Have you adopted any tips listed in the article? Which one is the most effective? May you suggest some other good tips?
*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Agenda:
6:45 ~ 7:00pm Greetings & Free Talk / Ordering Beverage or Meal / Getting Newcomer’s Information
7:00 ~ 7:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
7:10 ~ 7:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
7:50 ~ 8:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
8:10 ~ 8:25pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
8:25 ~ 9:05pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
9:05 ~ 9:25pm Summarization (20 mins)
9:25 ~ 9:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements

聚會日期:列於該貼文主題內
聚會時間:當天請準時於 6:45 pm 到達 ~ 約 9:30 pm 左右結束
星期二聚會地點:丹堤濟南店
地址、電話:台北市濟南路三段25號 地圖 (02) 2740-2350
捷運站:板南線 忠孝新生站 3 號出口
走法:出忠孝新生站 3 號出口後,沿著巷子(忠孝東路三段10巷)走約 2 分鐘,到了濟南路口,左轉走約 2 分鐘即可看到。
最低消費: 80 元
注意事項:
1. 文章是否需要列印請自行斟酌,但與會者請務必自行列印 Questions for discussion。
2. 與會者請先閱讀過文章,並仔細想過所有的問題,謝謝合作!

給新朋友的話:
1. 請事先準備 2~3 分鐘的英語自我介紹;會議結束前可能會請你發表 1~2 分鐘的感想。
2. 請事先閱讀文章以及主持人所提的討論問題,並事先寫下自己所欲發表意見的英文。
3. 全程以英語進行,參加者應具備中等英語會話能力,對任一討論問題,能夠以 5 到 10 句英文表達個人見解。
4. 在正式加入之前,可以先來觀摩三次,觀摩者亦須參與討論。正式加入需繳交終身會費 NT$1,000。
Stacy Wang
President

文章: 37
註冊時間: 週一 7月 14, 2014 11:08 am
頭像
toshi
YOYO member
文章: 1383
註冊時間: 週日 7月 27, 2008 8:26 pm
聯繫:

Re: 4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morr

文章 toshi »

Death in the ego is life in love!
自我不死,愛焉得生!
隨你所喜
或酒、或詩、或是喜!
Kooper
YOYO member
文章: 2725
註冊時間: 週三 4月 11, 2007 11:40 pm

Re: 4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morr

文章 Kooper »

I found this video clip dangerously one-sided. It justifies the uttering of mean words and our not-so-nice acts towards partners, glamorizing them as symptoms of utter intimacy or a way of mutual investment in love. On the other hand, it takes no account of the possibilities to improve and the responsibilities that anyone in a relationship shall bear. That is, while admitting that we are not perfect, we shall practice and learn not to let the insecure, anxious, primitive and sometimes even cruel inner children of ourselves get out of control and hurt our partners in any way that we might regret afterwards. Don't forget that our better halves are no saints too. They also have their naughty inner selves to deal with. Eventually someone has to be the bigger person.

That being said, it doesn't mean that the video is complete nonsense. Like one of the comments on the Youtube pointed out, it helps soothe anxiety or disappointment of some perfectionists or those who holds an absurdly unrealistic expectation for marriage.
最後由 Kooper 於 週二 4月 26, 2016 6:02 pm 編輯,總共編輯了 3 次。
頭像
Rock
YOYO member
文章: 2162
註冊時間: 週三 10月 31, 2007 9:03 am

Re: 4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morr

文章 Rock »

Absolutely! No wonder Gloria says that she is the happiest woman in the world. :)
Kooper
YOYO member
文章: 2725
註冊時間: 週三 4月 11, 2007 11:40 pm

Re: 4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morr

文章 Kooper »

- When we were kids, we thought our parents were omnipotent and could solve any problems.

- When we are in a bad mood, we tend to get it out of our systems by shouting at our spouse.

- One typical type of argument among couples is giving each other the silent treatment (cannot use "cold war" here)

- After a rough day at work, it is easy to blow up at home for no apparent reason.

- When we feel frustrated, we need to get it off our chest.

- Sometimes we use arguments with partners as an outlet for our own frustration.

- Sometimes we make our partners the scapegoats for our own frustration.

- Julian is the most eligible bachelor (/man) at YOYO.

- My husband is always finding fault with me.

- My husband is always blaming me when things do not pan out.

- The best approach to stop an argument is to bite your tongue.

- In bitter arguments we might say something hurtful to hurt our loved ones.

- To end an argument, someone has to back off.
最後由 Kooper 於 週三 4月 27, 2016 11:09 am 編輯,總共編輯了 2 次。
Tom Lee
YOYO member
文章: 51
註冊時間: 週三 10月 30, 2013 8:51 pm

Re: 4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morr

文章 Tom Lee »

Attendee:

Allisa
Doris
Andy
Jason
Tom
Tina
Steve
Andre's
Kooper
Douglas
Iris
Linda
Howard
Michael
Sabrina
Ken
Chantal
Adam
Julian
Luis Ko
YOYO member
文章: 970
註冊時間: 週三 6月 06, 2007 10:18 pm

Re: 4/26(Tue.) Why we love to blame our partners (Host: Morr

文章 Luis Ko »

if you would love to blame and be angry at your partners for something they are not culpable, probably that's because you don't love them that much as you did before, if not really bear something unpleasant or grudge against them. if you do still love them that much, you might just keep silent when in a mood, not even sulking or giving a silent treatment to your partners, i would say. i'm just not that fond of you anymore so that i don't care.. XD
i might be a cynic and, a sceptic as well but, i'm definitely not a bad person!!
回覆文章