11/29(Tue.) Unwanted attention (Host: Morris)

[morris25]

This article is cited from https://www.eslpod.com/eslpod_blog/2016 ... attention/

We recently received a question from Victoria living here in the U.S., in New Jersey, who wants to know how to tell a man to stop bothering (annoying; troubling) her. She wants to know what she can say to him to make him stop or go away.
I’m not sure what kind of unwanted attention Victoria is getting, so I’ll try to cover (address; discuss) a few different scenarios (situations).
A common type of unwanted attention that people get, especially women, is verbal (spoken). For example, sometimes women are shouted at or called out to (spoken to in order to get one’s attention) by groups of men, something called a catcall. Several websites giving women advice on how to deal with this situation give common sense (general understanding that most people have) suggestions: avoid eye contact (looking into another person’s eyes); walk with purpose (quickly and with a clear destination (place to go)); and ignore (don’t show awareness of) these shouted comments. One site suggested shutting down (ending an interaction or conversation) someone by not laughing at his jokes, responding in any way, or showing annoyance or anger. So in these cases, not saying anything in any language is probably the best move (action).
Another type of unwanted attention women get is physical (involving the body). For example, if you’re on a crowded (with many people close together) train or bus, you may have someone stand too close to you or touch a part of your body. If that person is actually holding on to you, the most common thing to say to make them stop is, “Let go (of me).” If that person is simply too close to you, but not actually touching you, use the phrase, “Back off,” which means “Move away so you’re not so close.”
We use “back off” in other circumstances, too, that don’t involve physical closeness. For example, if you think a coworker is involving himself or herself in your work in a way that is not acceptable, you might tell them to “back off“: “I told James to back off when he tried to talk to my clients.” Or, “Anna’s father tries to make her decisions for her and she is trying to find a way to tell him to back off without hurting their relationship.”
Finally, if the unwanted attention is someone hitting on you (showing you in a obvious or direct way that he or she is attracted to you romantically or sexually), you can be very direct (clear and frank) by saying, “I’m not interested.” But more commonly, women simply say, “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m in a relationship,” although not everyone agrees that this is the best strategy (plan). However, this usually gets the message across (communicates) that you are not available (not single).

Questions:
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Session I:
1. Have you/your friends got any unwanted attention before? How did you/your friends react to it?
2. Which kind of unwanted attention you think is easier to react to? How to react to it?
3. Have you or your friends paid too much unwanted attention to others before? How did you or your friends get the feedback? Please share the experience?
4. There have been many crucial political or economic events happening until now this year, which one influences you the most? Why?
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Session II:
1. How can we be friendly to strangers but avoid being treated as unwanted attentions?
2. If you want to run after someone you like, how do you approach him/her to avoid troubling or anoying her/him? Do you usually ask him/her “ do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend first? Why or why not?
3. If you are single, do you think by saying “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.” or “I’m in a relationship,” is a good way to react to unwanted pusuit? Why or why not?
4. It is almost the end of this year, so please review yourself. What is your biggest achievement and the most unforgettable event this year? Please share them with your table members.
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Agenda:
6:45 ~ 7:00pm Greetings & Free Talk / Ordering Beverage or Meal / Getting Newcomer’s Information
7:00 ~ 7:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
7:10 ~ 7:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
7:50 ~ 8:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
8:10 ~ 8:25pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
8:25 ~ 9:05pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
9:05 ~ 9:25pm Summarization (20 mins)
9:25 ~ 9:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements
**************************************************************************************************************************************************
聚會日期：列於該貼文主題內
聚會時間：當天請準時於 6:45 pm 到達 ~ 約 9:30 pm 左右結束
星期二聚會地點：丹堤濟南店
地址、電話：台北市濟南路三段25號 地圖 (02) 2740-2350
捷運站：板南線 忠孝新生站 3 號出口
走法：出忠孝新生站 3 號出口後，沿著巷子(忠孝東路三段10巷)走約 2 分鐘，到了濟南路口，左轉走約 2 分鐘即可看到。
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給新朋友的話：
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[Kooper]

I guess these are difficult questions for men like me to answer because we are, in most cases, the ones to give unwanted attention and eventually get turned down, either pitifully, brutally or embarrassingly. Maybe what men can contribute in this topic is the most effective way to stop us from approaching (or harassing?) charming ladies?
Ladies usually turn down men while trying not to hurt their feelings or trying to keep the friendship or camaraderie after the disaster. These tactful approaches sometimes do more harm than good because they confuse men. Men are less sensitive and have no talent in taking the hint when it comes to love affair. An obvious turndown in ladies’ view could look ambiguous to gentlemen. So my one and only advice to women is trying to be straightforward. Do not leave any room for men to doubt.

[Luis Ko]

spot on, Kooper.

i for one would rather girls said no more, be rejected directly, otherwise i might still keep trying. even "read without reply" couldn't stop me from trying, not until there's no "read" at all.. XD

by the way, it reminds me of a joke, "the only dates i get are updates"..

[Kooper]

spot on.... pretty cool expression!

[Tom Lee]

Morris wants to know the how to make unwanted attention and won't be rejected.
So everybody should come up your answers to help Morris. (and Tom )

[demonfoo]

Hi, i am Albert. Nice to meet you all last night. I'm very glad to know this club and to know everybody. You are so friendly and kindly. I slept with how i said and what you said every words. Sincerely, I would be the member soon.

[Georgia]

I guess these are difficult questions for men like me to answer because we are, in most cases, the ones to give unwanted attention and eventually get turned down, either pitifully, brutally or embarrassingly. Maybe what men can contribute in this topic is the most effective way to stop us from approaching (or harassing?) charming ladies?

Not trying to be rude but, hmmm, I have a question. How does a happily married man have the audacity anyhow, to give unwanted attention of any sort to any woman?