4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Yvonne99 » 週五 4月 14, 2017 11:54 am

Hi everyone. Yeah, the topic is cliche. I know….very likely you will sigh when you glimpse the topic. :roll:
Frankly I’m not a moral freak. I choose the topic because I was reading Ellen DeGeneres’ book “Seriously…I’m Kidding”, and I felt the same way as she describes being late and not caring about common courtesy any more. So strange, we are living in a more civilized society than before but do we feel we are treated more respectfully? If yes, you are lucky to be surrounded by polite people who care about good manners.

Please take a look at Ellen’s words. Let’s not only practice English but also become as humorous yet polite as Ellen is. :lol:

Ellen DeGeneres Seriously…I’m Kidding
Common Courtesy
I am never late. In fact, I’m usually early. This is partly because I believe in respecting other people’s time, and partly because I forgot to turn my watch back after I went to Europe one summer. In a recent highly scientific study I conducted among friends, family, and cable repairmen, I discovered one thing to be true: Most people are always late.

I don’t know when it became socially acceptable to be late. I imagine it started with the person who coined the phrase “fashionably late.” What a terrible expression that is. I don’t know who came up with it, but it was obviously someone smart enough to trick people into thinking that something is stylish when it is definitely not stylish. I’m assuming it’s the same person who invented culottes.

I remember one time Portia and I invited a couple over for dinner and they showed up two hours late. You read that right—two hours! One hundred and twenty minutes. Seven thousand and two hundred seconds late. We told them to come at 7:00, and they got there at 9:00. By the time they showed up, we ran out of firewood for the fireplace, our candles had melted completely down, and I was capital D-runk. To be fair, I was drunk at 4:30, but that’s not the point I’m making.

If someone invites me to a dinner party and they say to be there at 7:00, I’ll show up at noon. And if they’re not ready for me, I’ll use that time to go through their medicine cabinets. I would never be late because it throws off the whole plan for the evening. Everyone schedules dinner parties the same way. You call it for 7:00. You expect people to trickle in between 7:00 and 7:15. There’s about eighteen to twenty minutes of small talk, some appetizers, and by 7:45 it’s time to eat. You eat for about an hour, drink a magnum or two of Chablis, have a heated discussion about politics and/or the quality of the Look Who’s Talking sequel as compared to the original, and by 9:00 you’re yawning so people know it’s time to find their coats. When people don’t show up until 9:00, everything gets pushed back far too late. By the time we were ready for dessert, I was ready for bed. Literally. I had put in my night guard and taken all my clothes off.

I understand that sometimes people are going to be late. I can deal with someone being ten minutes late or fifteen minutes late. But once you hit an hour, you better have a really good excuse—like, you gave birth to a baby in your car. And if you’re gonna be more than an hour late, you better show up with a litter.

What I’ve realized is that people don’t care about common courtesy anymore. How many times have you held a door open for someone who walks right through it without saying thank you? How many times have you let someone into your lane of traffic without receiving the courtesy wave? I mean, who among us hasn’t picked up a drifter only to be disappointed after they steal all the money out of your wallet when you thought they were looking for gum? We’ve all been there.

And not only are people rude, they have no boundaries anymore. I was in a public ladies’ room recently because the Port-O-Let that’s usually part of my motorcade was in for repairs. And the person in the stall next to me was talking on her cell phone. In the stall. In public. Not a care in the world. On the one hand, I was happy for her because I found out her son made the honor roll and her husband got a promotion at work. On the other hand, I didn’t need to know that her rash turned out to be nothing more than bicycle chafing.

When I was growing up, you couldn’t take your phone anywhere because it was tethered to the wall in the kitchen. If you were on the phone, you were only on the phone because there was nothing else you could do except maybe flip through an old cookbook or rifle through a junk drawer full of pennies. You couldn’t even bend down to tie your shoe or you’d get choked by six feet of phone cord.

Now that we can take our phones practically anywhere, everyone is completely distracted while they’re supposed to be having a personal conversation. Have you ever been talking to someone and you can tell they’re not paying attention to what you’re saying at all? They pretend they are because every few seconds they say, “Uh-uh. Uh-huh. Oh really? That’s so neat.” And you’re like, How is it neat that I have the flu?

It’s crazy to me that people don’t realize we can hear what’s going on in the background of wherever they are. I know you’re watching television because I can hear Anderson Cooper and I know he’s not your roommate. I know you’re in the grocery store because I can hear that grapes are on sale. I know you’re at the gym because someone is telling you to feel the burn. At least I hope you’re at the gym.
Everyone tries to multitask now and do twelve different things at once. I once saw a woman talking on the phone, putting on makeup, reading a newspaper, texting, and Twittering all at the same time. I went right over to her and said, “Hey! You need to focus right now. You are my therapist.”

I guess what I’m saying is that politeness seems to be lacking in our society nowadays. In the 1950s people were much more polite. They used to say “G’day, ma’am” and “G’day, sir” and “G’day, mate.” I might be thinking of the Australian outback. But still. People were polite. Wally and the Beav were never late for dinner. After Lassie rescued Timmy from the well, Timmy sent Lassie a handwritten thank-you note and a gift certificate to Denny’s. And one of the biggest songs of the decade was called “Don’t Be Cruel.” Another one was “Be-Bop-A-Lula.” (I don’t know if that has anything to do with politeness, I just thought you might want to know.)

I’m not saying we should return to those times entirely. I mean, most ladies wore girdles and I don’t think we need to revisit that situation. I’m just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual. We can just be nicer to one another. It’s something we have in our power to do. It reminds me of that Margaret Mead quote: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” That’s either Margaret Mead or it was my horoscope in last month’s issue of Yarn Today. My point is, be nice and be on time.
Please.
Thank you.

Courtesy, from Wiki the free encyclopedia, is from the word 'courteis' (12th century) and is gentle politeness and courtly manners. In the Middle Ages in Europe, the behaviour expected of the nobility was compiled in courtesy books. Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.

More links but don't really have to take a look if you don't have time.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR1TroBTlwA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6n3iNh4XLI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0HzDxU6uro


Session I
1. Now can you tell the slight difference between etiquettes and courtesies? What deeds can be categorized as common etiquettes or common courtesies? Please share your opinions.
2. Are you a punctual or tardy person? Do you think it is ok or not to be late for an appointment? Do you tolerate people’s being late or the opposite being too early? Neither being late or being early is right. For how many minutes is it ok to you to tolerate?
3. The reason why we care less about others is because we are more self-centered? For example, do you talk on the phone in public or on MRT? Will you lower your voice or use an earphone? If people talk too loud on the train, will you try to stop them?
4. Sometimes people are rude because they do not know the act or behaviour will embarrass people. For example, sometimes people pass the door and shut it immediately without noticing someone behind is about to enter too. If you were the person left behind, will you be more polite and care for the people after you? Or you will shut the door too right after you pass the door? What are some bad manners that others do in public will irritate or embarrass you and you wish that people can change?
5. We can make a difference! Let’s bring up some good examples of manners or common courtesies that will make others happy. What are they? In your group, each tries to list at least three behaviors or acts.

There is no clearly line between right or wrong in manners. But remember common courtesy is about the consideration. In Session II, I am going to give you some situations and let your group discuss.
1. You are checking out at the open lane at the grocery store with a cart full of groceries when you spot someone with only a few items approaching the lane. The cashier has not started ringing up your items yet. You…
2. You are running late for work and are stuck in a traffic jam. You spot someone trying to merge into your lane from an on ramp, and you watch car after car pass the driver by, not allowing them to get over. You…
3. You read about a writing contest on the forum of your favorite online game. You notice there is no rule about how many short stories one can write, but you also notice that so far who’s participated has only written one story each. You…
4. You go through a door and there is a person carrying a heavy load about 2 or 3 feet away from you. You…
5. You’ve just made it to the elevator in time and if you hurry, you won’t be late to the office. Someone yells at you to hold the elevator, and you spot them running toward you. You…
最後由 Yvonne99 於 週二 4月 18, 2017 5:34 pm 編輯,總共編輯了 1 次。
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Re: 4/25 Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Yvonne99 » 週二 4月 18, 2017 3:22 pm

I know the topic I want to host is really a cliche. But guess what? We all need manners to live on and live by. The topic will also make you read some Ellen writing. Bring your ideas to join the meeting, please. And correct me if you have better ways. I am all ears.
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Re: 4/25 Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Rock » 週二 4月 18, 2017 5:12 pm

Julian, Julian,... Where is Julian? :lol:
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Re: 4/25 Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Yvonne99 » 週二 4月 18, 2017 5:36 pm

Rock 寫:Julian, Julian,... Where is Julian? :lol:


Haha, President Rock. Why you are paging Julian here? Is he a role model for yoyoers? Or because he is going to England soon? :D
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Laura » 週二 4月 18, 2017 9:48 pm

Julian …!?

In yo-yo, we are doing the equivalent to English learning like classmates, wish everything goes well with him. :cccry:

For courtesy/etiquette ? :roll: thanks host, Yvonne for I used this space.
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the greatest treasure in the world is love!
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Yvonne99 » 週二 4月 18, 2017 11:28 pm

Laura 寫:Julian …!?

In yo-yo, we are doing the equivalent to English learning like classmates, wish everything goes well with him. :cccry:

For courtesy/etiquette ? :roll: thanks host, Yvonne for I used this space.



No problem, Laura. Thanks for telling me that. Be my guest to give your feedback or opinion on the forum.
As far as courtesy is concerned, you deserve a point! :)
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Rock » 週三 4月 19, 2017 8:21 am

One of the best things we like Julian so much is, he never gets upset for our joking. But I sometimes wonder if he lives in another time zone, like India. The interesting thing is, we are not bothered by his time-zone thing, and we all know that he will show up eventually. As friends, we don't even think this is a problem. So maybe courtesy is for people who are not familiar with each other, works like a buffer to soften the friction of personal differences?
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Yvonne99 » 週三 4月 19, 2017 11:25 am

Yes, Rock, Julian looks good-tempered. Julian is probably busy with his preparation for the abroad study exam. So I would not feel surprised if he doesn't show up at the meetings the following weeks. Wish he will pass the exam with flying colors.

You may be right about common courtesy. Normally we need to care for those who we don't know well. However, I doubt ( or I am not sure) if you don't need to care much about courtesy between good friends....
BTW, I like the way you announced last night at the meeting about my hosting, the topic of common courtesy is not as intimidating as it looks. Thank you for that. Let's see who can have super ideas about this serious topic. :lol:
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Iris Wu » 週三 4月 19, 2017 11:35 pm

It is actually a subject worth discussing.
Common courtesy, is it an attitude, a virtue or a principle? Maybe it is all of them. Basically, “treat others how you want to be treated”. Having some common courtesy to others is to act/behave as how you would have others do to you. You are likely teaching your kids or students to behave with civility, but it is just a “courtesy”, I won’t expect too much from others. That said I’ll treat it as a one-way street. We are courteous to others, but if people didn’t do me the courtesy, it is mostly fine with me. For example, if people do not let me pay first on the check-out lane even I have very little stuff in the cart, I guess I won't cry for that.
The common courtesy is a nice thing to be "granted", but not a "right" that we should claim and I think it is not so serious as an ethical or moral defect if people do not offer courtesy to us.
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Rock » 週四 4月 20, 2017 7:30 pm

Yes, I don't ask for courtesy, either.

A question came to my mind: Are courteous people more likely to be good people, and discourteous people more likely bad ones? :?
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Yvonne99 » 週一 4月 24, 2017 12:36 am

@ Iris
I enjoy reading your words very much. Your statement of common courtesy is absolutely positive & worth learning. Especially when you mention about Confucius saying, it is a very good description of common courtesy. Actually we have different standards about common courtesy. We all need people's help to brush up our treating with people. In a digital era, do we still need some common courtesy? We can discuss more on Tuesday.

@Rock
Your question: Are courteous people more likely to be good people, and discourteous people more likely bad ones? The answer is no answer at all. It depends on your reaction to those people who treat you good or bad. Can you care less if they treat you badly? If you don't mind or feel angry, they are still who they are. I am not a judge or god. People's being good or bad is really difficult tell from the superficial level. :shock:

To those who want to attend the meeting but feel bored at studying the topic: Don't jump to your conclusion too fast. Common courtesy is what we all know about but seldom have time to think about. If you want to make friends or to get a boyfriend or girlfriend you should come. :D (Why am I feeling like I am throwing out a bait?)
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Luis Ko » 週一 4月 24, 2017 1:01 pm

interesting topic, i like it!!

i agree with Iris, if i don't get her wrong haa~ i just wonder why we care about other people's behaviour so much,especially it's at this very superficial level.. guess Rock's question is if it's possible someone seems so courteous who turns out to be a hypocritical sort of person, who is actually unkind, cruel, etc? whereas a not so courteous person is actually a good guy, but just happen to not so care about everyday life trivia, instead, more about something important, such as saving people's life.. XD

it does remind me when a guy wants to win a girl's heart, he will try hard to behave, no matter what it takes. not to mention those who purposely want win people's trust, such as sales persons and, politicians. with these facts, why do we still care about it, courteous or not, even they are total strangers? interesting, isn't it?

ok, just my usual waffle haa~ :lol:
最後由 Luis Ko 於 週一 4月 24, 2017 1:10 pm 編輯,總共編輯了 1 次。
i might be a cynic and, a sceptic as well but, i'm definitely not a bad person!!
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Yvonne99 » 週一 4月 24, 2017 1:05 pm

Dear members and friends,

When I was asked to host the meeting, I thought I would be quite OK and have plenty of time to get prepared on April 25th. But there is the Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. :(

Indeed, I will be quite busy today and tomorrow. I didn't expect I can host the meeting on time. However, I will try. Sorry about that if I did not begin the meeting on time. At this moment, I definitely would be grateful for any one who can sub me for the beginning of the meeting. My deep appreciation here!
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Rock » 週一 4月 24, 2017 7:14 pm

No problem. You've done a good job about the article and questions. We can count the numbers for you if you cannot make it on time. It's a piece of cake. :lol:

Take your time and take it easy. Thanks.
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Re: 4/25 (Tue.) Discussion of Common Courtesy (Host: Yvonne)

文章Iris Wu » 週二 4月 25, 2017 10:02 am

Hey, Yvonne, are you testing if we are courteous or you want us to practice courtesy? Question 2: "For how many minutes is it OK for you to tolerate?" Hmmm... Probably 3! :)

Seriously, I was just kidding! It's totally fine, because we know how work and life are. As Rock said, we appreciate your well-prepared contents and questions. Thank you for your dedication! No need to rush. Rock is the man, and he will take care of everything!
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