12/24(Tue.) Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Host: Iris)

Iris Wu
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註冊時間: 週二 5月 20, 2014 4:33 pm

Re: 12/24(Tue.) Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Host: I

文章 Iris Wu »

Thank you for coming on the Christmas Eve!
We had a small version of Christmas party; many thanks to Christine, Sherry and Kris for bringing cakes, drinks, Oreo chocolates and some cookies from me.

This is the 4th part of our tetralogy on "Relationship" in YoYo recent meetings:
Stephen's "Loneliness" --> Holly's "Flirting" --> Morris' "To be/Not to be (single) --> Iris' "Why we will marry the wrong person" --> ???
We need an ending! :)

What I learned from the meeting:
1) Love is not just admiration for strength, it is also tolerance for weakness and recognition of ambivalence. -- Alain de Botton
2) Self-awareness is the precursor for communication. We can only convey what we know, if we don't know ourselves well, how can we communicate effectively?
3) Besides, with self-awareness, we can set boundaries more clearly and accurately.
4) Above are easier said than done! (For you, Luis!)
5) If nothing works, the last resort, try fate, believing it is your fate to marry such an idiot"! Then, you may be able to feel more peaceful!
6) Marriage is not just one (single) word. It is a sentence -- a life sentence! :lol:
(Thanks, Jimmy, for bringing it up! And Kat added, luckily, it's a just life sentence, not death penalty!!! :P )

Attendees (29):
Morris, Jimmy, Alice, Miller, Ryan, Gregory (newcomer), Tashi, Wen-han, Jerry, Julian, Leon, Shirley, Sherry, Sabrina, David, Jeff, Luis, Andy Liu, Anne, Christine, Tim Armantrout, Jason, Rosie, Liwen, Kat, Steve, Linda, Kris, Iris (host)
YOYO member
文章: 586
註冊時間: 週五 4月 24, 2009 6:09 pm

Re: 12/24(Tue.) Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Host: I

文章 Michael-liu »

When I see the article title "why you will marry the wrong person", I think obviously the author implies that 90% of marriages are unhappy ones. So, what should we do? As the author tells us, to compromise.  I feel relief when I heard the author said in his speech that it is good to stick around with your spouse for children. Most people might think it is pathetic to stick to your marriage for children, though.

Steve told us many times that his married friend told him a marriage is to tolerate each other until the point you can not tolerate anymore, then you can divorce. I think very true. Divorce can always be an option, but it must be a final one.

Rock once said "the secret to a long-lasting (or happy?) marriage is low expectation. Also very true and wise words.

In conclusion,  to compromise, to tolerate, to expect as less as possible, I think all of the three are similar concepts and they are pretty much the same things. This echoes with what the author told us "be pessimistic, dont be optimistic, just give up hope" I think this will make you feel a little bit happier in your marriage.

But then again, how much can you compromise? How much can you tolerate? Be aware that if you do it too much, you may lose yourself, lose your self-esteem or your self respect.

The good takeaway of the speech video is that the author said at the end "No matter you are married or not, either way, you will regret it". I again feel relief hearing this. So, for our single members, just be brave and find someone to marry. Since you will regret it anyway, at least you might have the enjoyment of being a mom or a dad!

(Any challenge of my thoughts is very welcomed. I am not being polite to say this. Challenge can help me clear my thoughts)
YOYO member
文章: 586
註冊時間: 週五 4月 24, 2009 6:09 pm

Re: 12/24(Tue.) Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Host: I

文章 Michael-liu »

Hi, Iris, what are the core values you think people should not compromise in marriages? Since adultry and domestic violence are excluded in this discussion, so they don't count.

I ever dated a girl and later I found out she stole things. So Integrity is the core value we should not compromise.

What else? I am thinking.......

孝順 parents? I personally don't think this matters.

Mutual respect? I personally think this is important, while some people may think otherwise.

What else?