Session I: The psychology of keeping secrets inside
We all have secrets. The average person has as many as 13 secrets at any given time. There are 38 kinds of secrets. The top five most common secrets are about: lies we've told, romantic desire, our finances and money, sexual behavior, and 'extra-relational thoughts' where you're in a romantic relationship with someone and you're having some romantic thought about another person.
Usually, we hold secrets to protect something, such as our reputation or someone we care about, but keeping secrets doesn’t always protect what we hope to protect. Additionally, secrets can lead to loneliness and shame, which are particularly toxic to our health and well-being. Michael Slepian explains how secrets can affect your health.
Read the video transcript：https://bigthink.com/series/the-big-thi ... g-secrets/
[Questions]
1. What is secrecy? What is privacy? What's the difference between keeping something secret and keeping something private?
2. In your experience, what do people keep secret? Have you ever kept a secret from your friends or family, and why didn’t you want them to know?
3. What are the benefits and risks of sharing secrets with others? Who would you trust the most to keep something a secret and why this person?
4. Have you ever revealed someone's secrets when you weren't supposed to? Would you prefer to know your friend's or family's secrets or to not know any at all? Why?
5. How would our lives be different if nobody had any secrets at all? Would it be better?
Session II: Mistakes were made (but not by me)
Let’s review the key points of the book.
#1: Cognitive Dissonance: The Engine of Self-Justification
Cognitive Dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs or behaviors. This produces a feeling of mental discomfort leading to an alteration in one’s attitude, beliefs or behavior to reduce the discomfort and restore balance…
#2: Memory – The Self-Justifying Historian
When two people convey entirely different memories from the same event, people usually assume that one of them is lying. And of course, sometimes this is the case but often it is simply a matter of self-justification at work – as a story is told and re-told we add small details, alter facts slightly and omit inconvenient facts. All part of a self-enhancing spin. We do this to make the story clearer and better and little by little the alternated story becomes the new reality.
In this way, our memory becomes our personal, live-in, self-justifying historian scoping the memories of our lives to remove cognitive Dissonance and strengthen our self-image.
#3: Blind Spots, Good Intentions, Bad judgement!
The human brain is designed with blind spots, and one of its cleverest tricks is to award us with the comforting delusion that we, personally, do not have any! Our brains intentionally block out vital information or crucial events which otherwise could have made us question our actions or convictions.
#4 Self-Justification - The Assassin of relationships
Our natural resentment towards cognitive dissonance and subsequent use of self-justification can also undermine or even ruin personal, business or international relationships
The key to avoiding this is to focus on solving the conflict at hand it instead of criticizing the person, corporation or government behind the quarrel. ‘Keeping your eye on the ball..’ so to say
#5: Letting go and owning up.
Here are some advantages of admitting your mistakes…
First of all, understand that it is not a sign of stupidity or weakness, but a great way to learn. People respect and are more likely to reward, those who own up to their mistakes.
Second, open yourself up to criticism from others and to any evidence proving that you are incorrect…
And there you have it! The Key takeaways from Mistakes Were Made (but not by me).
Additional Chinese supplement：
你為什麼不認錯？社會心理學家的答案是：自我辯護讓人們自我蒙蔽
https://kknews.cc/zh-tw/psychology/ppr6qmz.html
[Questions]
1. What is the difference between saying "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong" ? Is it an apology to say I'm sorry that you feel that way?
2. Why do some people justify their foolish beliefs, bad decisions, and hurtful acts but never apologize for their mistakes even if they know that they did a mistake?
3. What do you do when someone doesn't apologize when they do something wrong? If they were your friends or family, how would you treat them?
4. Why it’s hard for bosses to accept their mistakes? Does admitting mistakes and apologizing lead to losing respect in the long term?
5. What are some self-justifications, such as whataboutism, non-apology apology or non-denial denial, people use to rationalize their actions?
Agenda:
3:45 ~ 4:00pm Greetings & Free Talk / Ordering Beverage or Meal / Getting Newcomer’s Information
4:00 ~ 4:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
4:10 ~ 4:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
4:50 ~ 5:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
5:10 ~ 5:15pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
5:15 ~ 5:55pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
6:00 ~ 6:20pm Summarization (20 mins)
6:20 ~ 6:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements
Meeting Date: As shown on the Subject Line
Meeting Time: 4:00pm – 6:30pm
Meeting Venue: 丹堤咖啡 Dante Coffee (Minimum Order $85)
Address: 台北市濟南路三段25號[MAP]-捷運忠孝新生站3號出口步行3分鐘
Important Notes:
1. We advise participants to print out the discussion questions and bring them to the meeting for reference. As for the supporting articles, feel free to print them out, as well, according to your preference.
2. We suggest that participants read the articles and think about the questions in advance.
3. Newcomers should prepare a two-to-three minute self-introduction in English to deliver when called upon by the host before the start of the discussion. The host may also ask you to give brief feedback about the meeting at the conclusion of the meeting.
4. We conduct the entire meeting in English. All participants should have at least moderate English-conversation skills and be able to articulate your ideas for each discussion question.
5. We welcome newcomers and other guests to attend the meetings and join the discussion freely for two times. After that, we hope you will consider becoming a YoYo English Club member. We charge a NT$1500 lifetime membership fee, or NT$1000 for students.
