11/17 (Tue.) Marriage (Host: Ryan)

[Ryan]

Few months ago, me and my wife brought my son to parent -child center and we met a group of parents there. Turned out  they're all  from a on-line club calls "MOMMIES OF BABE BORN IN NOV&DEC 2019". Then of course, my wife was invited to the line group of this club which has over a hundred of mommies in there.

One day a mommy in the group seemed frustrated by her marriage and texted: "who else in this group would choose not to get married if have a second chance?" Then messages popped up one after another goes: me either; surely not; no way I would have done that the stupidest decision in my life again!!!  To my surprise that I haven't been impressed by a group of people holding the same hatred toward one thing ever since last president election.  Which made me thinking: how marriage induces couples loved each other turned to hate each other; why people still get married if it seemed high percentage of the couples are utterly dissatisfied with their marriage; does this system called marriage even make sense for human being? 

So I went to Google, the most reliable problem solver present day. Ended up I found no answer, but a beautiful movie-"Marriage Story" which is about a love story that tells how a relationship goes along through falling in love, getting married, hearts broken, hurting each other, divorced and continue...

Perhaps I shouldn't have had expected to find an answer for this question, perhaps its not about finding answers  but experiencing the complete process, perhaps happy ending of every relationships does not really matters. I would like to invite you to see the movie, or go through the extracted clips at least.  And I would like to know what you feel about the movie, if you see yourself in any part which reflect whom you used to be in a relationship? If any scene that you are moved by which makes you think back on yourself and generate different thoughts on your relationship/ your partner?

Reading Materials: Why Marriage Is Good For You
https://www.city-journal.org/html/why-m ... 12002.html

Questions for discussion:
Below are a few stupid questions just for you to strike up some conversations. You don't necessarily have to go through them point by point but extend your talks to wherever you feel like to. it's more about experience and perspective exchanging.

Section 1
1. Have you been married? Are you thinking about to? why or why not?
2. Married people: would you choose not to get married if have a second chance? Would you believe that you could have live a better life without marriage?
3. Unmarried people: What are you expecting from a marriage if you are planning to? Or what makes you so certain that you would not gonna be married?
Section 2
1. Have you had ever think of divorce? even by a thought flashed through your heart? How did that occurred to your mind?
2. Have you ever fought with your husband/wife? Were your fights been as furious as the couple had from the fight scene? would you curse your spouse to die when fighting or anything mean as that? Would you apologize after the fight out of regret? Why would people's act contradiction to their mind in such a case?
3. If a relationship is based on foundation of loving each other, and which can be changed through enthusiasm consumed over time by compromises every couples are forced to make. How does being married or not matter?

Agenda:
6:45 ~ 7:00pm Greetings & Free Talk / Ordering Beverage or Meal / Getting Newcomer’s Information
7:00 ~ 7:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
7:10 ~ 7:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
7:50 ~ 8:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
8:10 ~ 8:15pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
8:15 ~ 8:55pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
9:00 ~ 9:20pm Summarization (20 mins)
9:20 ~ 9:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements

Meeting Date: As shown on the Subject Line
Meeting Time: 7:00pm – 9:30pm
Meeting Venue: 丹堤咖啡 Dante Coffee (Minimum Order $80)
Address: 台北市濟南路三段25號[MAP]-捷運忠孝新生站3號出口步行3分鐘

Important Notes:
1. We advise participants to print out the discussion questions and bring them to the meeting for reference. As for the supporting articles, feel free to print them out, as well, according to your preference.
2. We suggest that participants read the articles and think about the questions in advance.
3. Newcomers should prepare a two-to-three minute self-introduction in English to deliver when called upon by the host before the start of the discussion. The host may also ask you to give brief feedback about the meeting at the conclusion of the meeting.
4. We conduct the entire meeting in English. All participants should have at least moderate English-conversation skills and be able to articulate your ideas for each discussion question.
5. We welcome newcomers and other guests to attend the meetings and join the discussion freely for three times. After that, we hope you will consider becoming a YoYo English Club member. We charge a NT$1000 lifetime membership fee.

[tashi]

I watched the movie on Netflix. It's so touching.

[Iris Wu]

"We can still celebrate the thing for what it was, even if it’s over".
This statement beautifully illuminates the movie of Marriage Story, or any similar stories around us. Things don’t have to be smooth as expected or perfectly ended as planned. We will all need to learn to let nature take its course.

“Marriage story” is, in fact, more of a divorce story, and a love story even after the end of a marriage; the care and the love is still there and can forever be there!

As for two capable and mature individuals, it is very likely to take their own paths. When compromise and sacrifice are no longer enough to satisfy each individual’s soul, the extremely painful but hopefully sensible process of separation lays at their feet.

Ending such a “union”, which began with a strong bond of love, could be emotionally taxing and heart-wrenching. It definitely weighs heavily on both sides, or multiple sides if children are involved. If it’s truly a choice of freedom, free from compromise and suppression, free from arguments of fundamental differences and free from belittling each other because of priority differences, then, the path of separation can still be blessed with love and hope.

[Luis Ko]

"Endings don't have to be failings... we can still celebrate the thing for what it was even if it's over." ~Noah Baumbach

this is the conclusion of the movie from the director i guess. it seems quite right, but it just doesn't apply to marriage i would say. or it doesn't apply to me only?

i know i might not be qualified to comment since i haven't been married but, what's the point to celebrate the marriage you ever had, but not have now?? if a happy ending for a marriage doesn't really matter, why bother to get married? who would never want their relationship with the one they love to have a happy ending, especially when they choose to get married? so, it sounds to me like nothing more than a consolation. when things disappoint people, if not failure, they find excuses to justify themselves and make themselves feel more comfortable, if i may say so. otherwise, it's merely for the sake of the movie.

i heard the movie also from yoyo years age. i always wonder if the care and the love are still there, as the movie plays and Iris mentions, why they still divorce each other? why do people choose to get married if they don't really expect their marriage would have a happy ending?? if they do, then it matters. they should try their best to keep it, especially when the care and the love are still there, shouldn't they?

[Luis Ko]

3. If a relationship is based on foundation of loving each other, and which can be changed through enthusiasm consumed over time by compromises every couples are forced to make. How does being married or not matter?

this question is very interesting if i didn't get it wrong. when people are getting married, they have already got the idea that the love between them will be changed one day, by compromises they are going to make later. interesting!!

but then, it might be better for a long lasting marriage lo~