Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity to share with you one of my favorite book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
This book has helped me tremendously in both my personal life and my professional life, and I hope that you will find this book to be of great value to you too.
But most importantly, let us have a fun and relaxing time together, and enjoy our Sat afternoon.
Conversation 1:
- Do you enjoy making friends? Is it easy or difficult for you to make new friends and why?
- Is it necessary for you to influence people? Is it easy or difficult for you to influence people?
- If you are effective and successful in making friends and influencing people, how do you believe this ability can help you?
- Do you find the suggestions from the book helpful? Which area is most helpful to you?
- Are you currently practicing any of these actions and do you find it to be helpful in making friends or influencing people?
- Are the recommendations applicable in our culture?
Book Summary – How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age
Home > Book Summary – How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age
Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, published in 1936, laid out powerful and timeless principles of human communications that have impacted millions. In this book summary on How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, we’ll review ideas from the original book, with tips on how to apply them in today’s digital age, so you can stand out as a leader and build rich, trusting and lasting relationships.
The original book was written at a time where communications were limited to face-to-face, phone and letter interactions. These foundational principles have become even more important in today’s digital age, where we are surrounded by constant self-promotion, clever publicity tactics, and “me-ism”. Rather than use marketing tactics and technology to replace people-fundamentals, we should work on the meaning and intent behind our messages, so we can communicate them digitally and multiply the effect using media.
Essentials of Engagement
There are 3 principles of engagement that underlie all other principles in the bok. Here’s an overview – get more details in our complete summary bundle or from the book! Chances are, most of us violate these principles in our daily interactions, and the (negative) impact is being multiplied through social media, emails, messages and other form of digital communications.
Bury your Boomerang
Do not criticize, condemn or complain. The next time you are tempted to criticize someone or give them a piece of your mind via social media, email or message, hold yourself back. This will achieve nothing, and can only backfire.
Affirm what is Good
Everyone makes mistakes, and we all want to feel valued and appreciated. Rather than put others down, we can choose to affirm them.
Connect with Core Desires
Influence is about tapping into what others are already feeling, what they really want, and then finding a way to offer it to them in a mutually beneficial way.
6 Ways to Make a Lasting Impression
In the digital world, we are inundated with too much information, advertising, promotion, and “noise”. How do you stand out and make a lasting impression on others? Here are 6 key ideas.
• Take interest in others’ interests: Self-interest is an inherent part of human nature. People gravitate towards people who are interested in them and their interests. Rather than just engage in digital media or campaigns, invest time to truly know people and their problems / interests. That’s the only real way to achieve mutual benefit.
• Smile: We tend to gravitate towards smiles, grins and giggles. In the digital space, your voice – be it spoken or written – can effectively convey a digital smile.
• Reign with Names: In the digital age, your name is like a company logo, and an identifiable name has great commercial value. However, when you interact with and know and interact with others, you have a relationship, which is even more valuable.
• Listen Longer: People want to be heard. Good listening leaves a lasting impression, a strong connection and builds trust. The key is to be present – suspend your own thoughts and give full attention to what the other person has to say.
• Discuss what matters to them: Don’t just “push” your message – focus on what really matters to the other person:
• Leave others a little better:The best way to build relationships is to add value to others.
The best way to gain trust is to genuinely listen, understand, and try to add value to others, rather than try to be “right” or to asset yourself. Carnegie (via Cole) outlines 10 key ways to do so.
• Avoid Argument:Arguments only cause both sides to dig deeper into their own positions.
• Never say “You’re Wrong”:Resist the temptation to tell someone they are wrong, or indirectly convey it through your look, intonation, or gesture.
• Admit faults quick and emphatically:Don’t try to hide or deny your mistakes; in today’s digital world, news spread faster than ever.
• Begin in a friendly way:When we’re friendly, we validate the other person. When people feel friendly toward us, they are more likely to agree with us.
• Access affinity: In the digital age, we can build affinity with people we haven’t even met – get people to say “yes” as often as possible, by offering what they want (rather than pitching our own products or causes).
• Surrender the Credit:When you surrender credit as a way of life, you spread the effect of success, and collaboration will occur more naturally.
• Engage with Empathy: Most people don’t stop to consider how others feel in a situation. You’ll stand out simply by making a sincere effort to understand someone’s circumstances and perspective.
• Appeal to noble motives: By targeting the noble desires of people, we appeal to the side of them that wants to be presented in the best light.
• Share your Journey: When you share your story, people get to see who you are and what you strive to be, creating points of commonality that allows friendships to develop.
• Throw down a challenge: Use challenges to inspire and compel, rather than discourage and depress.
As with other tips in the book, the key idea here is to win people over through sincerity, positive expectations, empathy, and showing them what they want rather than what you want.
• Begin on a positive note: When you start on a negative note, your listeners tend to focus on that so completely that they lose the positive points that follow.
• Acknowledge your baggage:This shifts the attention away from the other person’s mistakes and avoid triggering a defensive reaction.
• Call out mistakes quietly: Most people resent direct criticism. Check out the book or our summary for some examples on how to call out mistakes subtly.
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders, to stimulate creative solutions, and promote ownership of the problem.
• Mitigate fault: Always consider how to let others save face, and never discuss others’ mistakes publicly.
• Magnify improvement: Praise and encouragement are 2 critical ingredients for motivating people to change and fulfill their potential.
• Give others a fine reputation to live up to: People tend to live up to our positive or negative expectations of them, so you’re indirectly influencing the results from others around you.
• Stay connected on common ground: This is the essence of the book – to know people’s goals, work on win-win outcomes and communicate this sincerely.
This book is a powerful reminder of the fundamentals of human relations in Carnegie’s original book. However, it is not a how-to guide for applying Carnegie’s principles to social and digital media (as the title may suggest).
Instead, the book provides new references and modern day examples (alongside classic examples from the original book e.g. those of Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt) to help us understand how to strengthen our relationship fundamentals, while leveraging digital media effectively to build meaningful relationships. It is a strong reminder that in the digital age, we have even more opportunity and potential to positively impact others through our communication.
Agenda:
3:45 ~ 4:00pm Greetings & Free Talk / Ordering Beverage or Meal / Getting Newcomer’s Information
4:00 ~ 4:10pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
4:10 ~ 4:50pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
4:50 ~ 5:10pm Summarization (20 mins)
5:10 ~ 5:15pm Regrouping / Instruction Giving / Taking a 10 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
5:15 ~ 5:55pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
6:00 ~ 6:20pm Summarization (20 mins)
6:20 ~ 6:30pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements
Meeting Date: As shown on the Subject Line
Meeting Time: 4:00pm – 6:30pm
Meeting Venue: 丹堤咖啡 Dante Coffee (Minimum Order $85)
Address: 台北市濟南路三段25號[MAP]-捷運忠孝新生站3號出口步行3分鐘
Important Notes:
1. We advise participants to print out the discussion questions and bring them to the meeting for reference. As for the supporting articles, feel free to print them out, as well, according to your preference.
2. We suggest that participants read the articles and think about the questions in advance.
3. Newcomers should prepare a two-to-three minute self-introduction in English to deliver when called upon by the host before the start of the discussion. The host may also ask you to give brief feedback about the meeting at the conclusion of the meeting.
4. We conduct the entire meeting in English. All participants should have at least moderate English-conversation skills and be able to articulate your ideas for each discussion question.
5. We welcome newcomers and other guests to attend the meetings and join the discussion freely for two times. After that, we hope you will consider becoming a YoYo English Club member. We charge a NT$1500 lifetime membership fee, or NT$1000 for students.
