8/29 (Tue.) Loss and Grief.(Host: Chris)

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miller
YOYO member
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註冊時間: 週三 5月 09, 2018 6:17 pm

8/29 (Tue.) Loss and Grief.(Host: Chris)

文章 miller »

Hello, Chris here, I am happy to fill in and be the host of the first section. Let’s try and talk about loss and grief.

Section 1: Story of a Friend
The friend has a brother and a sister. They suffered from loss and grief because their mother passed away in a car accident.
The brother, always believed he can overcome difficulties by willpower. What does not kill me, makes me stronger. After the accident, he never talked about it. Somehow he started to keep a distance from those who were acquainted with his mother. Also, he preferred doing things alone e.g., living alone and traveling alone.
The sister, always believed she can forget bad things through some entertainment, like dancing, singing, and outing. After the accident, she attended many activities, like a dancing club, singing lessons, and outing groups. She seemed to be pretty active, but she never talked about the loss as well.
The friend, always believed he can improve himself through learning new knowledge and skills. After the accident, he read books and websites, looking for modern methods to cope with loss.

Section 2: Story of your friend

What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Any loss can cause grief, e.g., relationship breakup, Loss of health, Losing a job, Loss of financial stability, Retirement, Death of a pet, a loved one's serious illness, Loss of a friendship, Loss of safety after trauma. Emotional symptoms of grief may include shock and disbelief, sadness (emptiness, despair, yearning, deep loneliness), fear (anxious, helpless, insecure), anger, and guilt (for not doing more to prevent the loss).

Myths and facts about grief
Myth 1: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
Myth 2: It's important to “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean you are weak. You don't need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
Myth 3: If you don't cry, it means you aren't sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the only one. Those who don't cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
Myth 4: Grieving should last about a year.
Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Myth 5: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact: Moving on means you've accepted your loss—but that's not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. As we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.

Seek support
1. Turn to friends and family members. Often, people want to help but don't know how, so tell them what you need—whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to hang out with. If you don't feel you have anyone you can regularly connect with in person, it's never too late to build new friendships.
2. Draw comfort from your faith. If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church—can offer solace.
3. Join a support group. Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help.
4. Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. If your grief feels like too much to bear, find a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling.

Face your feelings
1. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can't avoid it forever. To heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
2. Even if you’re not able to talk about your loss with others, it can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for example.
3. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either.
Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it's time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It's okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry, or not to cry. It's also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're ready.

Further Reading: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grie ... d-loss.htm

Question for Section 1: Story of a friend

Q1: What are the pros and cons of the brother’s methods? If the brother still feels unhappy, what could be the reasons?

Q2: What are the pros and cons of the sister’s methods? If the sister still feels unhappy, what could be the reasons?

Q3: What could the friend get from books and websites to cope with grief and loss?

Question for Section 2: Story of your friend

For privacy, it is suggested to share stories of your friends, rather than stories of your own.

Q1. In the story of your friend, what is the loss of the friend?

Q2. In the story of your friend, did the friend use to believe myths about grief?

Q3. At the end of the story, did the friend adopt new methods to cope with the grief and loss?


********************************************************************************************************************************************
Agenda:
7:00 ~ 7:10 pm Opening Remarks / Newcomer’s Self-introduction / Grouping
(Session I)
7:10 ~ 7:50 pm Discussion Session (40 mins)
7:50 ~ 8:10 pm Summarization (20 mins)
8:10 ~ 8:15 pm Regrouping / Taking a 5 Minutes Break (Intermission)
(Session II)
8:15 ~ 8:45 pm Discussion Session (30 mins)
8:45 ~ 8:55 pm Summarization (10 mins)
8:55 ~ 9:00 pm Concluding Remarks / Announcements

Meeting Date: As shown in the Subject
Meeting Time: 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm

Important Notes:
1. We advise participants to print out the discussion questions and bring them to the meeting for reference. As for the supporting articles, feel free to print them out, as well, according to your preference.
2. We suggest that participants read the articles and think about the questions in advance.
3. Newcomers should prepare a two-to-three-minute self-introduction in English to deliver when called upon by the host before the start of the discussion. The host may also ask you to give brief feedback about the meeting after the meeting.
4. We conduct the entire meeting in English. All participants should have at least moderate English-conversation skills and be able to articulate their ideas for each discussion question.
5. We welcome newcomers and other guests to attend the meetings and join the discussion freely twice (including on-site and online meetings). After that, we hope you will consider becoming a YoYo English Club member. We charge a NT$1,500 (NT$1,000 for students) lifetime membership fee.
miller
YOYO member
文章: 105
註冊時間: 週三 5月 09, 2018 6:17 pm

Re: 8/29 (Tue.) Loss and Grief.(Host: Chris)

文章 miller »

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Rock
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註冊時間: 週三 10月 31, 2007 9:03 am

Re: 8/29 (Tue.) Loss and Grief.(Host: Chris)

文章 Rock »

I remember when my grandma passed away, the funeral was long and tedious and there were several "cry times" in the ceremony. The funeral company conducted it as a very sad event, but, in fact, my dad and his brothers and sisters didn't really love their mom so much so it made an ironic impression on me. What's the point of all these crying scenes? Does the deceased really care?

Last year, my dad passed away, this time it's my turn to really experience the feelings. But maybe I've thought about it too much and being too logical, the emotional side barely came up. Even now, I still think my dad's painless death was a lucky thing which freed him from the misery of physical disability and sickness becuase of his age. I do feel something and sometimes feel like crying, but I don't know what it is.
In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
Iris Wu
YOYO member
文章: 905
註冊時間: 週二 5月 20, 2014 4:33 pm

Re: 8/29 (Tue.) Loss and Grief.(Host: Chris)

文章 Iris Wu »

“Grief is the price we pay for love” – by Queen Elizabeth II.

When the people or things we love are taken away, the pain of loss can be enormous, and the emotional toll is often sky-high because they are usually someone or something we learned on through thick and thin. The loss isn’t necessarily limited to the dearest people in our lives; it could be a job, a status that our pride and ego hold dear, sometimes without our conscious awareness.

Grieving is as individual as fingerprints; every loss hits us in its own unique way. There is no one-size-fits-all playbook for coping. Even the same person may react differently to different losses. For some losses, you may wear your heart on your sleeve, talking about it repeatedly in search of external validation. For others, you may internalize them due to the fear of judgment. Indeed, using the third person to tell a story can be an effective way to achieve both.
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